THE HORROR

Theresa Nosferatu: Having proven herself to be a danger to all of humanity, Katie Nosferatu has been incarcerated since the age of 7 at a maximum security facility, where with the aid of a cocktail of psychoactive drugs, she scribbles her insanely horrific predictions on the wall of her padded cell with her own excrement, after first rendering herself into a trance like state by inhaling her own flatulence. Katie is now Vegan having given up cannibalism after her arrest.

THIS YEARS PSYCHOTIC SERMON The influence of the January's new Moon combined with Pluto's retro tickle on Venus's lust trajectory makes for a period of intimate socializing and provides the fuel for you to pursue the good things in life, as you continue waving your trouser trumpet around like there is no tomorrow.