Brigadier, Banks are evil institutions who promote poverty and the destruction of the planet we all must live on for the benefit of a select few. They pretend to be our friend with advertising showing people with smiling faces but are they not just a bunch of thieving, immoral, parasitic bastards feeding off the sweat of ordinary good hardworking folks? - J. Reese-Smugg, Loondon.

I absolutely cannot concur with such outrageous folly. Bankers are the brilliant, trustful stewards of our financial institutions and undoubtedly, the pillars of civilization. Without them, everyone would suffer. There would be poverty, war, global famine and people would surely smell horrid too!

I recall being lucky enough to know several chaps who came from a long line of banking families, during my time at Twittenhouse Finishing School for Boys. Splendid fellows they were and I still recall with great affection, the times we would play hide the sausage together in the dormitories, taking it in turns to be the shirt lifter or the pillow biter. Looking back, I do not recall if it was ever their turn to be the pillow biter but nevertheless, it was a privilege to simply be in their acquaintance, even when they would practice breaking wind on my head.

Indeed, I would quite regularly lend these fellows money, which they would duly return less an administration fee. However, I would only have squandered this money on sweetmeats or frivolous trinkets. So, the big picture was that they only had my best interests at heart, as they would regularity point out.

It is a terrible burden of responsibility having to live off the interest of hard working folks or evicting families from their homes onto the streets. Unfortunately, a debt is a debt, which must be repaid at any cost to uphold the principles of capitalism and prevent world anarchy. Accordingly, you should write to your bank to thank them for allowing you to be their customer and educating you in the frugal ways of financial responsibility.