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Dear Coleman, I have been having an affair with my girlfriend’s stepmom for several weeks. I am overcome with guilt and keep trying to break it off but each time she keeps seducing me with her huge melon breasts. I am powerless to resist as she regularly wears black bras and pantyhose, plus her nipples are like fighter pilot’s thumbs. - G. Ferrel, Nortoon.


It is a freighting business when one is under attack, which reminds me of an incident during my service days. We were on patrol in unchartered jungle when we suddenly found ourselves surrounded by savages, armed with curious looking green and yellow daggers. I had to act fast and fearing for the safety of my men, I gave the order to open fire with rockets, which I have to say, was a complete success.


However, we later discovered that these natives were from a friendly tribe, renowned for their unique healing abilities. Apparently they were on route to meet with some pharmaceutical scientist chaps and were actually carrying rare orchids, rumored to be a cure for cancer. Unfortunately they were incinerated in the attack along with the entire tribe. How the fog of war can be a cruel companion!


Given that you were surrounded by not one but two breasts working in unison, you were left with no choice other than to surrender. Whilst it is obvious that this mother in law woman took advantage of you, had the stepdaughter being performing her marital duties, your porridge tanks should have been too empty to land at a foreign airfield in the first place. If anything, you are the victim here but you have a moral duty to man up and retaliate.


Accordingly, next time she attacks play along, but when she least expects it, drive the old pork dagger right up her dirt road. If she likes it, dump the stepdaughter. If she doesn’t, then she will lose interest real quick and probably aim her tremendously, tall, teats at alternative prey.


Either way, victory is almost assured but prior to undertaking any operation, it is vital to forward as many reconnaissance photos as possible of subject lady wearing said black bra and pantyhose attire. Thereafter, I will analyze for any hidden dangers and give you the nod to proceed.

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