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Ghonnaria Kreek: 2014, Chardonnay, Fist Malice Estate, Knucklestrooth Valley, Scroteland.

This beauty hails from the Fist Malice Winery, located in the lush Knucklestrooth Valley, where 70% of the inhabitants are male and sheep live in acute danger of violation. Altogether, this is a real belter of a white that delivers a curiously chewy taste experience.

Sporting a vivid bright yellow creamy colour, the sanitized hospital apple nose is succeeded with an initial clap of mango, glued forcefully to a full-bodied cottage cheese textured citrus shaft. Followed with a skillfully layered culture of summer orchard ripe pear whispers, this cheeky bugger finishes with a complex rally of fruity notes that kicks your palate with more bounce than a kangaroo on a trampoline.

For shits and giggles, why not throw a few Skippy steaks on the grill, along with a gaggle of organic koala medallions, baized in an amber nectar herb broth and serve with a colony of garlic laced twatbastard parsnips, spaced out on a bed of convicted sweet potato mash. Perfect choice for a swingers evening at the local police club but do use a condom. After all, better safe than slurry. RCN


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