HEADLINES > CATHODIC PROTECTION





 

POPE ANODE CLARIFIES C.O.C.K POLICY ON CONDOMS

News has been welcomed by many priests and followers who had been forced to endure acute anxiety over this morally sensitive issue.  We spoke to one priest who stated he had been suffering severe guilt and insomnia following repeated incidents where he took the virginity on many young members of his congregation, whilst using a condom.  “I knew what I was doing was wrong, it felt wrong. Now I see the light. It is an enormous moral weight lifted from me that will enhance the practice of my faith.”

C.O.C.K (Church of Cathodic Organsm and Creative Kinkiness) had previously been advocates for safe sex given the logical consequences of disease, unwanted pregnancy and over population. Yesterday’s announcement on their new ‘bare back belief’ policy represents a fundamental U turn.Pope Anode was not in the Catavan when we called and is currently believed to be travelling to Manginastan for the opening ceremony of the Swingers Olympics. However,  the Whippet’s Gavina  Ripples did manage to confront Bishop John Dong staggering outside the Swingers Bar in Cathederal Road at 3:15 AM with Sister Phillapa, the church’s ‘chief whip’. When asked to comment on the churches recent U turn on condoms he muttered, “It’s the numbers game........ Can I exorcise the contents of your panties?”

 

SAME MARRIAGE SEX RIOT

SISTER PHILLAPA

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