HEADLINES > GIT PLANK LAUNCHED





GIT PLANK HYSTERIA

Media new kids on the block Spud Electrotrickerie launched their new GIT Plank yesterday under a tsunami of press bi-polar hysteria. Spud founder and CEO, Stevie Turd stated that the GIT (Genital Integrated Technology) Plank was the cutting edge of social retardment,  and was confident it would revolutionize the suppression of how we interact as humans. Along with the GIT Plank where launched a series of innovative new attachments referred to as “Atts”, which have been developed exclusively for Spud by Congregation Toys including:

  • Passage Pleaser – compact and shaped to suit all passages. Once powered up rumored to set off seismic surveillance devices.
  • Lovely Licker – provides the user with the gentle sensation of their genitals being caressed by a soft furry glove.

Stevie Turd stated, “Whether you’re in a relationship or single, the Passage Pleaser and Lovely Licker allows people the freedom to give themselves a good seeing to without the rigmarole of actually going out or finding a mutually convenient time with their partner. Spud has revolutionized masturbation as we know it. Basically we have now evolved from couples sat in restaurants playing with their media, whilst ignoring each other, to couples hiding at opposite ends of their homes, giving themselves a good fiddling and not bothering to go out at all. Many new Atts were rumored to be in development  including a Sucky Sucky Att, the precise purpose of which is currently unclear, but it is believed to be aimed at male audiences. 

 

Priced at $100, the launch of the GIT Plank was welcomed by many parents whom to date have been forced to fork out big money for alternative devices so that their offspring don’t have their feelings trampled over by other spoilt poorly disciplined children, with similar grand feelings of entitlement.

GIT Plank with Passage Pounder Att. Comes in pine or woodchip exterior finishes.. Elish!

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