Born in 1891 on his family estate, Snobbery Hall, Coleman was the only legitimate child of famous explorer, Coleman Straightjacket - Trumpet II. His mother Camilla, who was also rumored to be his father’s illegitimate sister, died shortly after two weeks of strenuous labour and at the tender age of three years, Coleman was sent to Twittenhouse Finishing Schools for Boys, where in the words of his own biography, ‘Made him the man he is today'.
After graduating with honors, in both Inequality Cultivation and Tax Avoidance, Coleman joined the army, after accepting a commission as Lieutenant, where he quickly rose to the rank of Brigadier. During a career that lasted 50 years, Coleman saw action across the globe and achieved the world record for number of casualties under his direct command. In a final act of military leadership, Coleman ordered his troops to shell a local garden center, after receiving intelligence reports from the voices in his head that they were sheltering a terrorist cell of vegan hipsters, which resulted in the death of seventeen civilians. No hipsters were injured. An internal military inquiry, conducted by several of his Twittenhouse acquaintances, resulted in Coleman being acquitted of any wrongdoing and he was honorably discharged from military service in 1962.
Following a three year global hunting safari, which resulted in the extinction of at least two species and the endangerment of many more, Coleman returned to his family estate to pursue a career in politics. Despite his strong nationalistic views, in 1965 Coleman became European Member of Parliament for Twitshire.
During his office and armed with a mere ration of two liters of gin per day, Coleman embarked on a long career of general procrastination, with the exception of his repeated attempts to pass legislation to completely abolish all forms of gun control and reintroduce slavery, for anyone wishing to claim unemployment benefits.
On his hundredth birthday, Coleman retired from politics. When he is not soiling himself or sexually harassing his team of nurses, Coleman works as Lead Agony Aunt for the Whippet Digest.
ONLY £8 - CLICK TO PURCHASE