Born in 1891 on his family estate, Buggery Hall, Coleman was the only legitimate child of famous explorer, Coleman Straightjacket - Snobbery II. His mother Camilla, who was also rumored to be his father’s illegitimate sister, died shortly after 2 weeks of strenuous labour. At the tender age of 3 years, Coleman was sent to Sockcucker Finishing Schools for Boys, where in the words of his own biography 'made him the man he is today'. 

After graduating with Honors in both Inequality Cultivation and Tax Avoidance, Coleman joined the army having being offered a commission as Lieutenant, where he quickly rose to the rank of Brigadier. During a career that lasted 50 years, Coleman achieved the world record for number of casualties under his direct command and saw action across the globe. Following an internal military inquiry conducted by several of his Sockcutter acquaintances, Coleman was honorably discharged from military service in 1962, after ordering his troops to shell a local garden center, having received intelligence reports from voices in his head that they were sheltering a terrorist cell of vegan hipsters, which resulted in the death of 17 of civilians.  

Following a 3 year global hunting safari, which resulted in the extinction of a least 2 endangered species, Coleman returned to his family estate to pursue a career in politics. In 1965 and despite his strong nationalistic views, Coleman became Eurodismal Member of Parliament for Twatshire. During his office and armed with a mere ration of 2 liters of Gin a day, Coleman embarked on a long career of general procrastination, with the exception of his repeated attempts to pass legislation to completely abolish all forms of gun control and reintroduce slavery for anyone wishing to claim unemployment benefits.

On his 100 birthday, Coleman retired from politics and when he is not soiling himself or sexually harassing his team of nurses, works as Lead Agony Aunt for the Whippet Digest.





Would the world not be a better place without guns? How many diabolical massacres must take place and innocents die before politicians take notice of the will of the majority?





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